A Song of Solitude

Sometimes, in the aftertaste of love
There is a point
That exists neither as space nor time
But a hollow void that complexes its victim
For an instant, and yet an eternity
Where the soul lingers
saddened and tired,
barely living
in the twilight of the mind--

waiting for your return,


We were lovers
drinking eternity
And then you inscribed our story
on the memories of time
immortalized yet forgotten
the winds cruel, jealous of love
covered it with sand,
this barren land now,
unbearable in the day,
frigid at night
the twilight is no longer calm,
the darkness is filled with despair
and corrupted with loss.

Sanity un-woven, ripped apart
the fragile fabric of a union
with the loss of your love.

This twilight once bright,
promising refuge for lovers
now becomes the lair of demons,
born of doubt and fear
to torment and drink my blood
Consuming my sanity,
I beg them to find you
Losing my pride and vanity

Searching the wilderness of
Doubt for an omen
I await your return,
at the doorstep of time,
Waiting with hope stained
with despair
looking towards the merciless sun
slowly sinking into
the abyss of unrequited desire
welcoming the eternal torment
in the twilight of my mind

To Err is human

In life, love is one of the mistakes that we keep on repeating but it is a mistake that keeps on teaching us the hidden mysteries of human relationships, and how to learn to appreciate the little things even more.

Separation

How do you ask for his heart
When she already holds it?
How can you steal his gaze
When his eyes are locked onto Hers?

His eyes, his scent, his nearness
Awakens her feral desire

Shedding inhibition
Like a dark heavy cloak
She stands stripped of her ego
a surrender of her mind
Submissive upon her knees
And embraces his legs
In front of him, at his feet
She sacrifices her herself

His eyes are occupied with his mate
His senses are owned by Her,
hearts and souls
Locked in a indissoluble bond,
He does not feel her body,
Does not hear her heart pounding
Does not sense her pain

His soul is already bound
In the divine embrace
With his lover.

She wraps herself back in her cloak.


Impromptu October 25, 2010

Rocks

She used to walk amongst them,
An observer cloaked in her fears
silently,amongst these men
Time trapped, complex-ed, tears
trickled down a wheel broken
she stopped, to rest,
Harboring a love forsaken
stifling a saddened plea of protest
Wishing, watching, wondering...

Why did they blindly scamper
Truly was the purpose
trying to fill one's coffer,
Solely driven by greed, by lust?

She started Walking again,
that broken wheel in time
crunching and creaking
This woman, awed, scared, proud,
clutching a little bundle.

They are confusing, she thought
her dark eyes glistening
looking into their hearts, she fought,
against eyes brimming with tears...
Was it because they could see
that they suffered the blindness?

To rest and deliberate,
She stopped for an instant
consider and integrate
Her wandering mind, so distant.
Immersed in helpless pain,
threaded with joy, she looked on,
Unrehearsed they played in vain
for an elusive prize, they mourned.


Sighing calmly and wearily
looking at her bundle
with a gaze that was melancholy,
to reflect her saddened soul, humbled.
She had wrapped it with compassion
and clutched it close to her heart
hidden with care, in this mayhem
as if it were a precious gem...

It was her gem,
the world only saw
that she obsessively
clutched
a little unassuming rock.

This rock she believed had powers,
a magical ability to lure them,
trap and enthrall,
it would seek amongst men
only the true.
The deceitful would fall
enticed by their greed
As it was written in her fate
They would fade away
The loneliness was a painful state.

Succumbing to curiosity,
they stopped to wonder
what was it that she kept hidden
Greed, power, lust, blooming
where truth was forbidden
drove them to insist,
proud of her gem
she did not desist,
then unclothed that rock
made them grimace.

How insane!

Why do you care so much for this
...insignificant rock
You've tricked me!
Stupid girl throw away this stone.
Search for a gem
join our game
In this chaos,
she considered this eternal drama.

Cuddling her bundle debating,
questioning her strength and desire
could she protect her precious bundle,
while chasing phantoms
in the mayhem around her.

So this game continued
in what seemed an infinite cycle,
that broken wheel persisted

Until

In the cold and in the night
a lone traveler stopped to rest,
he was also clutching a bundle tightly.
He greeted her
they exchanged a glance.
The curiosity in her eyes
A trick the of chance
prompted him to smile
and he unclothed that bundle,
wrapped in rags
because that was all he had,
but wrapped so carefully
to protect his precious cargo.

Her curiosity heightened
as he removed the layers
Her heartbeat quickened, when
Unwrapped, she saw that rock,
not all all identical to hers,
unassuming
but still he knew
the power it held...

She unclothed hers.
In the night,
hours faded,
and time reversed into its loop,
the wheel was mended
they looked at each other
until
with the morning light seeping into the horizon,
little smiles tugged at tired eyes and lips
The rocks were combined
and wrapped carefully even more delicately now.

A shared bundle,
sharing the magic,
the desire,
the embrace
they continued the journey.

10/20/10

The Teacher

Where did you put her mind,
when you stole it?
What did you do with the pieces
of her heart,
when you broke it?

Why did you call her
to sit at your feet,
playing this game you started
why didn't you finish it?

Why will she pine for your caress
like a traveler starving, thirsty
waiting, drowning, restless?

Why does she love the ache
that your apathy creates?

What potion did you force her to drink
The ebb of reason abates..
It is impossible for her to think
Without your smile, condoning
her amorous state
this star crossed affairs
dictates her fate.

Thoughts are corrupted by desire
and the wanton child,
sitting, burning on Loves Pyre
kisses your feet...

But a teacher, he sees her,
she is just a child,
himself merely grown over her
She adores him ,
yet he is out of her reach,

His student,
her heart an instrument,
he instructs her in the art of this ancient game
With her soul, the chords of this instrument
He plays a primordial melody
Inscribed by the hands of time
embedded ,
with the breath in both their lives,

He plays the melody of
The affection of that teacher for his ward
the lust of the student,
for his embrace,
She washes his feet with her tears.

10/27/10

Fluttering on the Edge.

Hanging on to these hands of fate
Refusal to let go of her partner in this dance
Not realizing that it was too late
She still insisted on taking that chance...

Poison masked for an instant
By a sweet scent
For what sin are you bent
And so insist she should repent

Unrestrained and senseless fury
cannot bequeath you the right to prosecute
nor be your own jury
cruel lover how dare you execute!

Alone in this prison
bound by your malice
punished without reason
In the darkness, she dances

Each move orchestrated in reverse
mirrored your lies, that did entice
un-bind your soul, this dance un-rehearsed
Corrupt lover, now she controls the dice.

You sleep, without dreaming
and cry without weeping
Act before thinking
she should have known...

You would live without loving

Fluttering on the edge, transformed
by your own relentless hate
Wicked soul, living without being born
As the dice was thrown she changed her fate

Released from your grasp,
un-tied from your lies,
un-bound from your web
fluttering on the edge, waiting no more
her thoughts released, ceasing their ebb
she flies away.

Nandi 05-08-10

The Pendulum Keeper

From the previous entries, a soul seeking passion in an arid sphere, to find it, the elements of desire combining to fuel a passion and just as instantly as it blazed, the fire died, leaving just a suffocating smoke and the memories frozen in tears...

That child had grown now,
and learned to dance
but then the music changed,
it became faster, faster,
suddenly,
she lost her footing and fell
she kept falling
when the pendulum keeper caught her ...

There it is again, that pendulum,
the dark handsome keeper,
catching hold of her
as it swung sharply and quickly
faster and faster
from the light into the night
she no longer knew
the dream from the being
the illusion from the truth
this pendulum dragged her mind
back and forth
she asked herself
am I the creature from the light
or am I
the creator of the night.

Not knowing what she saw
in that mirror,
herself split in half
half of her made of day
the other half born of the night
which was the reflection
what was the truth
only time can tell
when the pendulum
will cease its constant swinging
or
maybe she is the master of the keeper
pushing him
to continue the chaotic frenzied swinging
balancing this spin
into eternity
from the light into the night.

Can I see in the night
or am I blind in the light?
What is my truth,
these memories back and forth
like waves on a vast endless ocean
Ah the stimuli,
a pulse,
a heartbeat,
his kiss
his smile,
playing over and over
again in her head.

Swinging recklessly on this pendulum
she remembers his shouts
and - then his kiss,
she looks into the mirror
to see her tears,
until,beyond her
caught in that frozen relcetion
she sees them
they glisten in his eyes
un-cloaked,
finally revealed his fears.

Now even more aware of his pain
'God knows how much I love you!'
she cries
to the wind,
her words are whispered to the trees
tears again,
a caress,
a hug then his kiss...


Back and forth,
ceaselessly it swings
everything
in their world has gone amiss
looking into the depth and pain
of those handsome eyes.

She longs to caress to comfort
to kiss that mouth one more time
whispering gently into his ear
how much she longs for him,
in his eye glistens a tear
As darkness swings into light
she tries to conceal
that teardrop from the day
frozen in the night

letting go is sometimes the most difficult...

Ambushed- The tables have turned

How can I pen this feeling
to put into words
this dull ache that haunts my mind.
Denying that I love,
lying to my soul.

How do I express this thought
when I am bonded irreversibly
how can I unravel the cloth of this relation
that I myself wove into my heart?

In such a short time
an entire saga played out,
so many star crossed moments
too many misunderstandings
To be cast aside now.

The thought that punishes my mind
how can you walk away so calmly,
ripping this relation to shreds.
A torrent of feeling,
reckless , hidden behind a wall,
broken now,
You left, without thought.
Drowning now, realizing the blunder,
in illusion
I wonder...

How can you walk away so calmly
without turning back
once,
To snare, like the Ego of the flame,
that demands the moth come closer,
wanting only to be adored,
The moth eagerly surrenders
This Flame, filled with that ego
indifferently,
will singe the wings
and destroy this creature
that desperately succumbed.

Without singed wings
now can one dare to fly,
left defeated, A bitter taste
pervades as I am left now
picking up the shards?
Enticed and snared
Risking a chance, I stumbled blindly
and you weren't there.

Time will cast what is form now
into but a shadow,
To appear suddenly and dance
against the back of my mind
at an unguarded moment
in years to come...

Tied now to the unrelenting
reality of the present,
I am faced with the immortal dilemma of
what is apparent, but tell me,
How can you?
Why did you dare?

Nandi
Denying, defeated and rather optimistic

03-24-09

Come Puppet Master...Let us Play

Perplexed in this ancient game,
worn out strings, broken,
the puppeteer ponders the game...

Her heart like an enigma
a black queen
poisonous embracing
then like a child
she curls back into her space...

Coyly she took the strings
herself , tied them to her soul...

Laughing he wondered,
ego exploding
how I have captured her!

Amazed, astonished he watched her dance
artistically, entwining , capturing,
captivated after her performance

Suddenly he found himself
at her doorstep

lured from his sanctuary
she pulled him to this limbo

With compassion and rage
just as she had bound those strings
she tore them out...


He longs to dry those tear less eyes
painful yet dark
caught in this hell now
he only hears her footsteps now
walking away...

Those broken strings billowing,
possessed by their tale,
dance in this stagnant hell
tormenting...

In the dark, walking alone
crying silently behind those dark eyes
she listens to the cruelty of his silence.

He does not try to stop her.
Nandi

(A continuation/reply to Puppet Master Sometimes happiness is in the game, not the ending)