A Song of Solitude

Sometimes, in the aftertaste of love
There is a point
That exists neither as space nor time
But a hollow void that complexes its victim
For an instant, and yet an eternity
Where the soul lingers
saddened and tired,
barely living
in the twilight of the mind--

waiting for your return,


We were lovers
drinking eternity
And then you inscribed our story
on the memories of time
immortalized yet forgotten
the winds cruel, jealous of love
covered it with sand,
this barren land now,
unbearable in the day,
frigid at night
the twilight is no longer calm,
the darkness is filled with despair
and corrupted with loss.

Sanity un-woven, ripped apart
the fragile fabric of a union
with the loss of your love.

This twilight once bright,
promising refuge for lovers
now becomes the lair of demons,
born of doubt and fear
to torment and drink my blood
Consuming my sanity,
I beg them to find you
Losing my pride and vanity

Searching the wilderness of
Doubt for an omen
I await your return,
at the doorstep of time,
Waiting with hope stained
with despair
looking towards the merciless sun
slowly sinking into
the abyss of unrequited desire
welcoming the eternal torment
in the twilight of my mind

To Err is human

In life, love is one of the mistakes that we keep on repeating but it is a mistake that keeps on teaching us the hidden mysteries of human relationships, and how to learn to appreciate the little things even more.

Separation

How do you ask for his heart
When she already holds it?
How can you steal his gaze
When his eyes are locked onto Hers?

His eyes, his scent, his nearness
Awakens her feral desire

Shedding inhibition
Like a dark heavy cloak
She stands stripped of her ego
a surrender of her mind
Submissive upon her knees
And embraces his legs
In front of him, at his feet
She sacrifices her herself

His eyes are occupied with his mate
His senses are owned by Her,
hearts and souls
Locked in a indissoluble bond,
He does not feel her body,
Does not hear her heart pounding
Does not sense her pain

His soul is already bound
In the divine embrace
With his lover.

She wraps herself back in her cloak.


Impromptu October 25, 2010

Rocks

She used to walk amongst them,
An observer cloaked in her fears
silently,amongst these men
Time trapped, complex-ed, tears
trickled down a wheel broken
she stopped, to rest,
Harboring a love forsaken
stifling a saddened plea of protest
Wishing, watching, wondering...

Why did they blindly scamper
Truly was the purpose
trying to fill one's coffer,
Solely driven by greed, by lust?

She started Walking again,
that broken wheel in time
crunching and creaking
This woman, awed, scared, proud,
clutching a little bundle.

They are confusing, she thought
her dark eyes glistening
looking into their hearts, she fought,
against eyes brimming with tears...
Was it because they could see
that they suffered the blindness?

To rest and deliberate,
She stopped for an instant
consider and integrate
Her wandering mind, so distant.
Immersed in helpless pain,
threaded with joy, she looked on,
Unrehearsed they played in vain
for an elusive prize, they mourned.


Sighing calmly and wearily
looking at her bundle
with a gaze that was melancholy,
to reflect her saddened soul, humbled.
She had wrapped it with compassion
and clutched it close to her heart
hidden with care, in this mayhem
as if it were a precious gem...

It was her gem,
the world only saw
that she obsessively
clutched
a little unassuming rock.

This rock she believed had powers,
a magical ability to lure them,
trap and enthrall,
it would seek amongst men
only the true.
The deceitful would fall
enticed by their greed
As it was written in her fate
They would fade away
The loneliness was a painful state.

Succumbing to curiosity,
they stopped to wonder
what was it that she kept hidden
Greed, power, lust, blooming
where truth was forbidden
drove them to insist,
proud of her gem
she did not desist,
then unclothed that rock
made them grimace.

How insane!

Why do you care so much for this
...insignificant rock
You've tricked me!
Stupid girl throw away this stone.
Search for a gem
join our game
In this chaos,
she considered this eternal drama.

Cuddling her bundle debating,
questioning her strength and desire
could she protect her precious bundle,
while chasing phantoms
in the mayhem around her.

So this game continued
in what seemed an infinite cycle,
that broken wheel persisted

Until

In the cold and in the night
a lone traveler stopped to rest,
he was also clutching a bundle tightly.
He greeted her
they exchanged a glance.
The curiosity in her eyes
A trick the of chance
prompted him to smile
and he unclothed that bundle,
wrapped in rags
because that was all he had,
but wrapped so carefully
to protect his precious cargo.

Her curiosity heightened
as he removed the layers
Her heartbeat quickened, when
Unwrapped, she saw that rock,
not all all identical to hers,
unassuming
but still he knew
the power it held...

She unclothed hers.
In the night,
hours faded,
and time reversed into its loop,
the wheel was mended
they looked at each other
until
with the morning light seeping into the horizon,
little smiles tugged at tired eyes and lips
The rocks were combined
and wrapped carefully even more delicately now.

A shared bundle,
sharing the magic,
the desire,
the embrace
they continued the journey.

10/20/10

The Teacher

Where did you put her mind,
when you stole it?
What did you do with the pieces
of her heart,
when you broke it?

Why did you call her
to sit at your feet,
playing this game you started
why didn't you finish it?

Why will she pine for your caress
like a traveler starving, thirsty
waiting, drowning, restless?

Why does she love the ache
that your apathy creates?

What potion did you force her to drink
The ebb of reason abates..
It is impossible for her to think
Without your smile, condoning
her amorous state
this star crossed affairs
dictates her fate.

Thoughts are corrupted by desire
and the wanton child,
sitting, burning on Loves Pyre
kisses your feet...

But a teacher, he sees her,
she is just a child,
himself merely grown over her
She adores him ,
yet he is out of her reach,

His student,
her heart an instrument,
he instructs her in the art of this ancient game
With her soul, the chords of this instrument
He plays a primordial melody
Inscribed by the hands of time
embedded ,
with the breath in both their lives,

He plays the melody of
The affection of that teacher for his ward
the lust of the student,
for his embrace,
She washes his feet with her tears.

10/27/10

Fluttering on the Edge.

Hanging on to these hands of fate
Refusal to let go of her partner in this dance
Not realizing that it was too late
She still insisted on taking that chance...

Poison masked for an instant
By a sweet scent
For what sin are you bent
And so insist she should repent

Unrestrained and senseless fury
cannot bequeath you the right to prosecute
nor be your own jury
cruel lover how dare you execute!

Alone in this prison
bound by your malice
punished without reason
In the darkness, she dances

Each move orchestrated in reverse
mirrored your lies, that did entice
un-bind your soul, this dance un-rehearsed
Corrupt lover, now she controls the dice.

You sleep, without dreaming
and cry without weeping
Act before thinking
she should have known...

You would live without loving

Fluttering on the edge, transformed
by your own relentless hate
Wicked soul, living without being born
As the dice was thrown she changed her fate

Released from your grasp,
un-tied from your lies,
un-bound from your web
fluttering on the edge, waiting no more
her thoughts released, ceasing their ebb
she flies away.

Nandi 05-08-10

The Pendulum Keeper

From the previous entries, a soul seeking passion in an arid sphere, to find it, the elements of desire combining to fuel a passion and just as instantly as it blazed, the fire died, leaving just a suffocating smoke and the memories frozen in tears...

That child had grown now,
and learned to dance
but then the music changed,
it became faster, faster,
suddenly,
she lost her footing and fell
she kept falling
when the pendulum keeper caught her ...

There it is again, that pendulum,
the dark handsome keeper,
catching hold of her
as it swung sharply and quickly
faster and faster
from the light into the night
she no longer knew
the dream from the being
the illusion from the truth
this pendulum dragged her mind
back and forth
she asked herself
am I the creature from the light
or am I
the creator of the night.

Not knowing what she saw
in that mirror,
herself split in half
half of her made of day
the other half born of the night
which was the reflection
what was the truth
only time can tell
when the pendulum
will cease its constant swinging
or
maybe she is the master of the keeper
pushing him
to continue the chaotic frenzied swinging
balancing this spin
into eternity
from the light into the night.

Can I see in the night
or am I blind in the light?
What is my truth,
these memories back and forth
like waves on a vast endless ocean
Ah the stimuli,
a pulse,
a heartbeat,
his kiss
his smile,
playing over and over
again in her head.

Swinging recklessly on this pendulum
she remembers his shouts
and - then his kiss,
she looks into the mirror
to see her tears,
until,beyond her
caught in that frozen relcetion
she sees them
they glisten in his eyes
un-cloaked,
finally revealed his fears.

Now even more aware of his pain
'God knows how much I love you!'
she cries
to the wind,
her words are whispered to the trees
tears again,
a caress,
a hug then his kiss...


Back and forth,
ceaselessly it swings
everything
in their world has gone amiss
looking into the depth and pain
of those handsome eyes.

She longs to caress to comfort
to kiss that mouth one more time
whispering gently into his ear
how much she longs for him,
in his eye glistens a tear
As darkness swings into light
she tries to conceal
that teardrop from the day
frozen in the night

letting go is sometimes the most difficult...

Ambushed- The tables have turned

How can I pen this feeling
to put into words
this dull ache that haunts my mind.
Denying that I love,
lying to my soul.

How do I express this thought
when I am bonded irreversibly
how can I unravel the cloth of this relation
that I myself wove into my heart?

In such a short time
an entire saga played out,
so many star crossed moments
too many misunderstandings
To be cast aside now.

The thought that punishes my mind
how can you walk away so calmly,
ripping this relation to shreds.
A torrent of feeling,
reckless , hidden behind a wall,
broken now,
You left, without thought.
Drowning now, realizing the blunder,
in illusion
I wonder...

How can you walk away so calmly
without turning back
once,
To snare, like the Ego of the flame,
that demands the moth come closer,
wanting only to be adored,
The moth eagerly surrenders
This Flame, filled with that ego
indifferently,
will singe the wings
and destroy this creature
that desperately succumbed.

Without singed wings
now can one dare to fly,
left defeated, A bitter taste
pervades as I am left now
picking up the shards?
Enticed and snared
Risking a chance, I stumbled blindly
and you weren't there.

Time will cast what is form now
into but a shadow,
To appear suddenly and dance
against the back of my mind
at an unguarded moment
in years to come...

Tied now to the unrelenting
reality of the present,
I am faced with the immortal dilemma of
what is apparent, but tell me,
How can you?
Why did you dare?

Nandi
Denying, defeated and rather optimistic

03-24-09

Come Puppet Master...Let us Play

Perplexed in this ancient game,
worn out strings, broken,
the puppeteer ponders the game...

Her heart like an enigma
a black queen
poisonous embracing
then like a child
she curls back into her space...

Coyly she took the strings
herself , tied them to her soul...

Laughing he wondered,
ego exploding
how I have captured her!

Amazed, astonished he watched her dance
artistically, entwining , capturing,
captivated after her performance

Suddenly he found himself
at her doorstep

lured from his sanctuary
she pulled him to this limbo

With compassion and rage
just as she had bound those strings
she tore them out...


He longs to dry those tear less eyes
painful yet dark
caught in this hell now
he only hears her footsteps now
walking away...

Those broken strings billowing,
possessed by their tale,
dance in this stagnant hell
tormenting...

In the dark, walking alone
crying silently behind those dark eyes
she listens to the cruelty of his silence.

He does not try to stop her.
Nandi

(A continuation/reply to Puppet Master Sometimes happiness is in the game, not the ending)

Hate to Ashes ...wounded...Love to dust

Thumping,thump thump
roaring rushing
two hearts pounded,
The stillness filled with
the heartbeats...

Silently he approaches
whispering to each his own,
inevitable, guaranteed, with sadness
he ponders their game.

Frightened, tormented, eyes seek the other
Louder than the missiles exploding,
Thumping thumping
They find each other.


Without thought, weapons are raised,
You are the enemy
There is a pause
time takes a breath,

thumping thumping thump thump

Their eyes lock,
each just as startled
at the fragility of this body,
Unanswered questions,
saturate the bloodied air.

Patiently he watches them, pondering this
ancient game...

At the point of entry,
That crimson explosion,
The silence without the beat,
And yet those eyes stare
The oceans that separated their worlds,
diminished.

Hands covered in the blood soaked dust
raised in prayer
Different cultures,poisoned never bridged
brothers shot.
Looking into the endless pits of those eyes
Seeing the grief, for that now fatherless child,
Seeing the pain of leaving unexpectedly
But unbearable in those eyes was the grief
For realizing that the death was worthless,

Why did you kill me?
Why did I kill you?
Oh god, forgive me.
Forgive me brother,
And in the dust these yes kept their eternal stare
Staring at nothing,
yet sorrowed with the insight of the world,
At entry into the abyss of death,
Two souls separated by cultures,
divided by centuries,
Dissolved into one,
Reflected in the eyes

He stands over them now,
impartial waiting
thump thump thump th...
as abruptly as it had began
it ended.

Nandi

Duality and the Battle Within

Standing in the doorway of death
There stood a mirror that reflected
the intensity of her thought,
onto which side of the mirror she stood
was the question that tore at her soul.
Did it reflect
the feelings of a passion interred or
the reality of her existence blurred.

In this mirror,

Absorbing and reflecting the constrains of duality,
To lose the temporal sight of birth,
slicing by the mirror,
and then to see through the mirror
The destruction of the ego,
Yet feral desire exists within,
shadows , obscures.

The bonds re-form,

The mirror divides
when Time's loop is ignored,
dissolving in tune
as time unites with space,
a liar in its true form,
reflecting day to this soul
while absorbing and slowly leaking,
spitting night to the other.

From the light that can only exist in darkness,

In belief and in doubt all that is
structured will collapse,
what then will you admit?
It did exist, nay fool! what do you see?
There is nothing here anymore,
Time has played his cruel trick on you.

Sighing,

And what did exist? That fleeting specter
blazed straight across for the moment
captured and formed, forgotten
and then formed again with exaggeration
or the image , false exaggerated in its birth,
but does not change,
what then is true?

It keeps on turning,

In the doorway of death
trapped in a corridor between two worlds
the structures exist and fade,
like smoke, it still fills
as it collapses into nothingness
in front of the mirror,
orbs looking into the orb
neither is true.
Which side is true? Are both form or illusion,
Am I the illusion?

To wonder again, futile, aching,

That which exists in a moment,
temporal passing fading
as truth undone, and then remade
The mirror is turning
She stands in the doorway of death
looking into it.

Nandi
completed? 03-11-08

Holes

The emptiness that tempts sleep
to simply fade far far away
It is the smoke of a burnt out candle,
choking, suffocating entangling. It is
the facade of a fatal kiss
drawing the breath, invading
surrounding, occupying but intangible.
It is the feeling of incomplete,
a vastness that occupies , yet is barren
the emptiness of the soul. Wreck less
puppet-erring of the body, with the
charred remnants of the will
Floating effortlessly, uselessly in this void.
They are the holes that fill
our every futile breath
Unanswered questions torment existence
refuted faith, left to rot in its hole.
The holes that haunt the living,
When reality ebbs mercurial,
The holes that dissolve the dead.
Nandi 12-27-07

On the Pier simple thoughts from the Ebb

With each Ebb and flow,
it is wonderful how the sounds can calm the mind
In front of the water I stood ,
looking into the distance at nothing in particular
simply listening to the ebb of the tide
wishing, wanting daring to dream
daring to hope,
How is it that water can calm so much
maybe it is indeed a purifier, a cleanser,
not just for the body
washes away the turmoils of the day,
from the mind.
so many thoughts,
Watching the fishermen thinking,
why are they allowed to steal the
food of other animals for sport?
Wicked eyes glaring at the water,
cautious eyes shining from the watery world,
The only animal that hunts for sport.
humans are so greedy!
The lust to catch a helpless fish,
prancing around acting as if they have won?
Ah the creature is clever he swims away,
The hunter is angry he plans to lure tomorrow.
Softly it comes in an breaks upon the rocks,
again it washes
again it calms
the thoughts flow back in,
Is there someone else, on this Pier
listening, watching, thinking
allowing the rhythmic splashing, breaking
to ease into their soul
someone somewhere on this Pier,
afraid, worried, sad,
but content and whispering a prayer
Thinking about the moonlight
like a silent brush , illuminating the water
Thinking about the earth, crying,
Thinking about man, wondering,
Smiling to the wind,
Crying silently within,
Enjoying the silence,
The tide continues its eternal Ebb
pulled back and forth by that enigma in the sky,
It is time to go.

Nandi
05-01-07

The puppet-master

He watched, toying with strings
within a shift of the moon,
as the earth floated in its cosmic drift
unveiling the script,
forged from the fires of desire
hesitant a pendulum did swoon.


The peaceful sky coerced to a shift
as if caught in heavenly debate
the stars started their celestial dance
tied with these strings to her fate,
In this play of decisively planned chance.

The puppet master played in the sky
with the string that tugged on her heart
to which misery and love it did tie
hurt the most, as it tore apart,
her soul fatigued and febrile.

Then with a spark and the Orgasmic coupling
of thought and fury.
An insidious plot was formed,
as the decision to love came
quite suddenly.
nothing but a coward in this love ,
more fearful that it would be returned.
could she risk everything
by letting him know?

The puppeteer kept on playing and in a moment
was about to make this doll weep
when by a sudden intrusion of fate,
or be it a premeditated blunder
she looked deep into the mirror
catching his eyes...
This doll caught in the unreality,
there was no way out,
Bound to a tale,
threaded with cause and doubt
In the very belly of hell,
whispered the torments.
She looked at the reflection,
of that sorrowful being trapped in the sky.
and in an instant, he was caught.

In the exaggerated defense of this plot,
Which she had so cleverly devised.
She took away the player,
With a wicked glint in her eyes.
he became tangles in those very strings
now bound by fate
both caught in this game
the puppeteer and the doll
tangled in their own bonds forever.
Nandi
01-21-07
I started it on 3/31/06
I removed the first verse from this, it was actually intended for another poem

The Broken Dance

There was that planet in orbit,
molded by the hands of the divine
he made each man different,
to complete this dance
each with his own particular stance.
Then man saw his brother dancing
and his eyes filled with rage
as he gazed across this earthly stage
and saw his brother's dance.
He was performing the dance written for him,
his brother's steps were different
Not a mirrored choreographed moves of his
His eyes glowed with anger,
he did not understand
that the different dances were
part of the creator's plan
orchestrated to keep the harmony of life.
His temper flared and he pulled out a knife
ripped the heart of his brother, in tune
so too with the murder of these dancers,
the earth began to sway,
caught out of its cosmic transit
it spiraled in chaos,
towards a death known for sure.
This madness mad did create,
destroying the dance,
the planet plummeted into the others
and like the watch that is broken
as this destruction continued
even time lost his power and fell victim.
With a sigh the creator picked up the forlorn souls
of those dancers caught in this mess
and he then with a celestial spark,
there was a boom
and the universe was born again.

The Window

Bared feet running through
the fresh wet grass
We yearn for this our entire life
That insatiable voice inside our hearts,
Laughing, crying, screaming,
Wanting to be a child,
trying with futility,
running against time
to grasp innocence
like an ethereal spirit,
toying with the mind.

how we yearn,
to once again stop in awe
the greatness of nature, to learn
her subtle lessons , her law
listening to her mysterious secrets.

To discover the fairy
sleeping in a daisy,
the little gnome,
mischievous as can be
hiding in our home.
To be trapped in a vortex,
without a heart of stone.
wishing, wanting
to taken back to a place, a time
When rain is still a blessing
still magical, haunting, benign
Speaking to every little beautiful drop
that bursts upon our palms.
in a single drop we can see an eternity,
a dream, a far away land of fantasy,
spinning, dancing that drop
Tethers on the tips of our noses
And falls as we laugh in the joy of the rain,
Imagine the sensation
Of running free in the storm
Allowing it soak into your every pore.

Now as we get older,
we stand by this window,
Still cold but this time
there is no laughter
We simply look out the window,
Like the spectator who can only look on,
but never be, an actor in this spectacular show,
Tears begin to flow slowly,
carefully, guarded, from eyes
That have witnessed too much
A mind that is restless
is deaf to the magical music of the rain
It only hears a forlorn cry
Of a lost soul searching but then
the drops keep splashing,
bursting singing their wonderful song,
it is difficult to ignore the intoxicating rhythm
that beckons to the sleeping child
within trapped in the wary adult...

Ancient and pure,
the rhythm of those drops
calls to the soul
pulling it back along Times eternal line
back to the heart of a child
standing in the rain,
and without a wasted thought,
inhibitions are dissolved,
in the magic of the rain and
innocent giggles pervades the air
as once again bared feet begin
running through the fresh wet grass

Nandi
05-25-06

The rebirth of hope

In the dreary afterthought of silence,
In the calm after a storm
A sliver of gold crept through,
And a little being took form
A metamorphosis was complete,
The earth rotated slowly
shifted into the west at noon
sunlight pierced through a
sliver in the small cocoon
The drop of rain suspended on a leaf
A viscous diamond,
dazzling the sleeping babe.
The little being began to awaken
The grey heavy mist of despair
Began to lift softly like
the tendrils of smoke
From a flickering flame.
In a hollow tube,
surrounded by silent threads
This little being stretched
And shifted and grazed
a delicate paper thin
wing against the hard shell.
A tiny little cracking , echoed through
The little shell.
The little one looked out onto the world and was awed
By the captivating hues that surrounded him,
Colors every where mixed and rare,
The intoxicating reflection of the blue captured in the sky
Then suddenly there was a cloud that
blocked out the view of the little one
storm clouds thundered and there was a war
blood gushed about and fell on the leaves of that plant
the little one peeking out from his little cocoon
with eyes innocent and bright
pleaded with the creator,
keep me here with you
It is hectic there, in here your embrace
I was kept warm and snug
but don't send me out there
the creator smiled and assured the little one
trust in me and you will be safe,
let the angry ones destroy what they can,
they have forgotten my name
but soon I will show
that murder is not the way to attain my grace
but rather surrender like you did little one,
I created you to be beautiful
do not worry about the predators, they will always be there
but look too at the flowers I put in the garden for your delight
everyone craves what is beautiful, you are rare
you have my blessing, take your flight with care

Eye of the Storm

A storm rages in my soul.
A broken heart, empty
I finally let you go
But now this void, presents
Loneliness my uttermost foe.

A ruthless mind, spurned by grief
Fights with a heart longing,
Wanting to keep you trapped.
Waves of love
Crash
upon the ominous jagged
Rocks of deception.

To hate you, I cannot do,
The unbearable ceaseless salty raindrops,
Pummel from pools of grief onto
Soft memories,
slashing, tearing
Leaving only the bitter driftwood
Pain inscribed.

I look into your eyes the storm is quelled
You do not love me anymore
Of that, I’m sure.
The mind consoles the wounded heart,
Grieving for Loved drowned in the salty sea
I am setting you free.

New love will be born, maybe.
I have one wish for you,
Because I’ve suffered for two,
May this storm steer clear of your course,
And love be safe harbor.
I know that buried under
a sea of tears and regret,
My soul keeps your love forever.


-----------Nandi (11-01-01)

A proposal

Your proposal Sire,
Caused a blush to peek.
I think about you and smile,
The endearments you whispered
Tainted by your proposal.
Yet my heart quickens,
I would Sire, succumb,
And realize your every desire.
For you see darling,
This blush pink in hue
Is but a deception,
Exposed by few.
Masking cravings deep within.
The coupling of insatiable Desire’s greed,
We would gladly feed.
I would accept your proposal Sire
And repay your courtesy due.
But, my alluring liar,
We share a painful secret,
Ah! Your love is untrue.

---------Nandi
10-22-01

Dreams

As the Sun dipped into the sea,
and Moon smiled at the world,
She lay in the darkness listening
To the sighing of her soul.

Tragedies from the day,
slowly faded into nothingness.
Eyes lazily closed,
In an instant as her mind
lost its clutch on her heart
a through a door that
materialized in this stillness
He came.

In this world,
in her dreams he reigned.
Eyes widened in a heartfelt surrender,
this illusion captured in every breath,
every heartbeat called out to him.

In a heart, surrendering,
a shroud of darkness crept in,
smoldering this blossoming dream.
She conceded to the bitter truth.

Where even in her this world
she cannot have him.
She wept painfully, from her soul
Tears began to flow,
sealing the portal forever.

In her heart a dungeon of pain
replaces this dream,
the mortar of grief
bound her to reason.

She is expected to be cast of stone
with a heart, colder than
an arctic chill.

He knows nothing of her fears,
Her tears concealed from him,
Anguish masked by dark eyes.
In his world, she is cruel,
caught up in a web of wicked games,
The passionate knight sighs,
servant to the black queen,
simply a pawn to her corrupt lies...

Once again those eyes close,
and in the weakness of sleep,
for an instant, there is softness
and compassion in that cold heart,
a forgiveness evades the air
and he enters once again.

Nandi 01-02-03